humor

Self-Isolation Blues

Well, that’s not entirely true.  While we are staying home as much as possible, we do have a family to feed. So that means trips to the grocery store every few days.  I would prefer not to have to go as often as we are, but the lack of goods on the shelves, and the fact that we are not hoarders, requires multiple trips.  Our local grocer has absolutely no paper goods for the last week.  No paper towels, napkins, nor toilet paper.  I know this is, sadly, becoming very common.  The meat counter has been rather empty as well. But we will survive.

Just in case you missed this post, the reason we are self-isolating is we did go on a cruise about 10 days ago.  It was just a short three day to the Bahamas and back. The ship is set for 4000 guests. I doubt there were 1400 people aboard. My high school had more people. Hell, my graduating class was almost 1000 people!

Our view upon boarding the ship, The Mariner Of The Seas.

We almost didn’t get far on the cruise. They were discussing making the ship dock in Miami and everyone would have had to get off. In the end they let all the ships that left that day go anyway.  They did announce that we would be the last cruise for a month. The major cruise lines all canceled scheduled cruises until about 15 April.

The main reason we took the cruise was to take the girls to another country. It was their spring break, which made it a great time to go. But then this virus hit.  We did take a gamble, but it seems to be fine. I have been taking everyone’s temperature twice a day since we returned. No fevers, no (unusual) coughing or sneezing. I also have not heard of any of the ship’s crew testing positive either.  But I did call and postpone all doctor appointments and such.

The cruise itself was very nice. The girls made friends with other kids. They did not want to do any of the kid’s activities that were offered. They had much more fun just hanging at the pools and snacking just about all day.  I have to say they were very cognizant of washing their hands and using the hand sanitizer stations. I don’t think they passed a hand sanitizer without using it. I was very happy.

Virus? What virus?

Here’s a video that may actually be relevant for once!

Peace,
B

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Corona Beer vs Coronavirus

My last post talked about our upcoming cruise and COVID-19. Let’s continue that thread. To be truthful I am more than a bit apprehensive about this upcoming cruise. My last vacation didn’t end very well…

We all know that the novel coronavirus does not come from Corona beer. Nothing comes from Corona, no flavor, no buzz, nada. You get nothing from this so called “beer”. Although I have heard that it makes a decent rinse after washing your hair. I have not tested this. Yet – this.

5W Public Relations said that 38% of Americans wouldn’t buy Corona “under any circumstances” because of the outbreak, and another 14% said they wouldn’t order a Corona in public. The survey encompasses polling from 737 beer drinkers in the United States.

https://www.cnn.com/2020/02/28/business/corona-beer-marketing/index.html

I do have to question the validity of any alcohol related poll that only has 737 respondents. With that small a sample size I’m thinking some guy just sat in bar somewhere asking random strangers questions. If this “survey” took place in a more urban area, the percentage of those avoiding Corona would be very high. I know the majority of my friends would fall into the “under no circumstances” category. Not due to anything with the virus, my friends tend to enjoy a better quality of beer.

Unsurprisingly, our idiot-in-chief claimed several days ago that (paraphrasing here) “We have stopped it”. Of course, no proof was given, mainly because it was an outright lie. The USA doesn’t even have a plan for any epidemic/pandemic.Why? Because our great leader fired the pandemic response squad in 2018.

So just who is working the case? Why none other than our science fearing vice president. This guy, Pence, when governor of Indiana did nothing during an HIV outbreak back around 2015. See this report.

The brilliant Canadian political cartoonist, Michael de Adder, drew it perfectly.

Now I hear that there is a run on toilet paper? Why? This is a respiratory illness, not a gastrointestinal virus. Facial tissues I can understand. In fact, when we went grocery shopping this past weekend the store had a sign that due to heavy demand tissues were limited to two per person, but the shelves were stocked. No rush there. What can help you is soap and water to wash your damn hands. If you’re not near a place to wash up, use an alcohol based (60% or higher alcohol content) hand sanitizer. Face masks will not help much – unless you are positive for the virus. Then you should wear a mask to KEEP OTHER PEOPLE SAFE!

Hopefully you won’t have to go to extremes to find your hand sanitizer…

So, how likely are you to catch this virus? As I alluded to, washing your hands is the best advice that can be done just about any time. This has long been recognized as the first and best line of defense against a virus of this type. With any luck you’ll be like this guy.

Why should you trust me? I may be a retired paramedic, but –

I can guarantee that if you do get this nasty bug, you’ll need to see a doctor, and get a prescription. But not one for cowbell, that won’t help at all.

Seems that the stock market is having issues as well. Not unexpected, but still troublesome. Luckily, I don’t have all that much left in my old 401(k) nor my IRA. I may just pull it all out anyway. This tweet is (sadly) fake. Not that he shouldn’t be fired from a cannon just on principal.

Now here’s a video about the end of a nuclear war, which is alomst the same as a global pandemic. And no, we are not really at the point of a global pandemic. Yet. I really hope it doesn’t get that far, but I am rather concerned it will.

Peace,
B

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P.S. I told Wifey the title of this post. Her reply “I don’t want either of them”. #SmartGirl

What Is He Thinking?

Here I am just two months or so removed from a wonderful ten-day ICU stay (you can read about that here) and what are we doing? Taking Son-The-Younger and his two girls on a short cruise!  Just what the hell am I thinking??? COVID-19 is running rampant across the globe and I’m just waltzing right in.  Plus, we now have a confirmed case of the virus locally.

It may seem that the virus is targeting cruise ships. But I think it’s more of a “captive audience” type of thing. Let’s face it, you have thousands of folks miles from land all stuck together like sardines. It’s a petri dish blissfully floating out on the water.

Now, this is a short three-day cruise. Just out to the Bahamas and back. Nothing spectacular. Since it is a short cruise I don’t think it will attract the “jet set” travelers. I just don’t see anyone that’s been in any of the hot zones around the world joining us on this little adventure. My main concern is the crew. This will be Wifey and my fifth cruise (the first for the kids) and we love the international flavor of the crews. But that does pose a greater risk of having someone that has been in a hot zone being on board.

We must trust that the cruise line (Royal Caribbean in this case) will live up to their promises of greater sanitation for most areas on the ship, more hand sanitation stations, and better screening of crew and passengers prior to boarding. They have also stated that the fees for medical screening/care of anyone complaining of most “flu like” symptoms will be waived for the duration of the trip. They appear to have an expanded quarantine area ready, just in case.

Naturally the CDC has called for the elderly and those with compromised respiratory systems (and I fit at least one of those categories, maybe both depending on who you ask), to avoid travel “especially cruises”.  Yeah… right.  I never was one to listen to authority. There is a chance that I could be denied boarding. If I have a fever (which I haven’t since that hospital stay), or if my constant coughing is deemed to be a problem. 

We are leaving on that most auspicious of days, Friday the 13th! So what could go wrong? It is spring break for the girls as well.

They say the virus can be killed with a greater than 60% alcohol solution. I’m sure one of the bars on board will have something that’s 120 proof or higher. Plus, we can use this as a warm-up for “Amateur Drinking Day #2” St. Patrick’s Day.

So, watch this space. Wifey may be handling a post soon while I’m in quarantine, or worse. I’m confident that all will turn out well and I will have pictures to post next week. Now please excuse me, as I must prepare for this trip. By which I mean the single malt is calling my name!

Here is today’s almost related video.

Enjoy!

Peace,
B

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I’m A Hallmark Movie Widower

In all honesty, I’m not just a Hallmark Movie widower, I’m a TV widower. I just do not care for much TV. Sure, I watch some cooking shows (food is very important in this house), and the occasional NCIS episode. I also enjoy a few shows on Discovery, Animal Planet, and the National Geographic channels. Even the new HBO show Avenue 5 has my interest. For two main reasons, Hugh Laurie, and it’s only 30 minutes per episode. The Army taught me you can put up with damn near anything for 30 minutes. Case in point I had an Army dentist try to do a root canal on a long dead tooth. I was in the chair for over 4 hours while she drilled and poked and tugged to no avail. And quite a bit of that time the novocaine was not exactly effective. So, it can be done.

But as far as your usual sitcoms and other reality shows (thinking Below Deck here), I just cannot tolerate them. So I either have to go to another room, or put in earplugs. I have issues reading with the TV going. Music doesn’t bother me, but the spoken dialog interrupts whatever I’m reading.

As Jackson Browne sings;

“It’s like a song playing right in my ear
I can’t sing
But I can’t help listening”

For A Dancer © Swallow Turn Music, Wb Music Corp

The fact that Wifey likes these shows doesn’t bother me. She can watch whatever pleases her. She doesn’t watch when I have one of my few sports on. She’ll read or play a game on her tablet. Besides, I usually fall asleep within 30 – 45 minutes anyway. TV basically bores me.

But these Hallmark movies are so very strange. They’re pretty much the same story just with different actors. Lately it’s been the Hallmark Mystery Movies that have taken over the TV. At least they don’t all have Candance Cameron Burke staring like the majority of their Christmas movies seem to. Some people are just too damn cheery.

And what’s up with Christmas movies on in July?? Talk about your holiday creep! I rant and rave about anything Christmas that comes out before Halloween as it is. But July?? Give me a break.

So, what do you watch, or avoid? Oh – Wifey is in the living room watching some cop show while I’m typing this. I would be in our bedroom relaxing, but the granddaughters are currently in our bed playing a game on Wifey’s laptop.

Here’s today’s vaguely related video. It talks about a TV show, and besides it’s my favorite Dire Straits song. Now excuse me, I need another beer.

Peace,
B

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Ginger Finishes – 2019

It’s the last week for our mischievous little elf, Ginger.

Sunday evening found her opening the little gift the girls had for her.

How many other elves get gifts?

She didn’t waste anytime getting things going for her last couple of days. Since the girls stayed with us Sunday night, she was ready for them on Monday Morning.

And since the girls are on their winter break from school, they’ll be staying with us a bit longer. And rumor has it that Ginger will be able to stay until Christmas morning this year! Seems she has some special gifts to pass out!

YES!!! Ginger was here bright and early Christmas morning. It seems that Santa brought granddaughter-the-younger a Malibu Barbie Dreamhouse! I think Wifey is a bit jealous. She didn’t get a Barbie Dreamhouse when she was a kid! Ginger had to build it for the girls after Santa just left it in the box.

Ginger also set out all the family stockings for us.

Then Ginger suddenly reappeared with two more gifts for the girls. Where does she get her money???

And then, just like magic, she was gone. No note, no goodbye, she just magicked herself back to the north pole.

I wonder what tricks she has planned for us next year. We heard some rumors that she’s been accepted into the trainer program at the North Pole. We’ll have to see.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this years adventures with Ginger.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, whatever you celebrate from the Campbell family to you and yours.

Peace,
B

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Ginger Week Three – 2019

It’s close to Ginger leaving us for the year, but she still has a trick or two up her sleeve.

The girls had a sleep-over on Friday night, so Ginger had another lazy day. But come Saturday, she was waiting for the girls.

She knows we’re going to the mountains right after Christmas. So she showing the proper form for a downhill run on a saucer sled.

Ugh… more terrible jokes.

Why do elves make good listeners?
What do you call an elf that sings?

On a rainy, dreary day Ginger got the munchies.

The gingerbread house seemed to be a bit stale.

And since the girls are on their winter break from school, they’ll be staying with us a bit longer. And rumor has it that Ginger will be able to stay until Christmas morning this year! Seems she has some special gifts to pass out! But that will be another post.

Peace,
B

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It Has Begun!

As I have mentioned several times (most recently here), the Christmas Season can’t begin until two things happen. I have to hear John Lennon’s Happy XMas (War Is Over) in some random way and I have to watch National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.

I am (somewhat) happy to report that both of those requirements have been met. The Official Christmas Season® may now begin. You’re welcome.

Yes, I’m a Grinch. Thank you for noticing…

And as dear old dad always said, “Merry bah humbug!”

Peace,
B

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Ginger Continues – 2019

Let’s start this week off with something different. No, not Santaur.. That was scary. Here is the gingerbread house the girls and their daddy built.

Right after Ginger went to take her nap, and I posted, we found out the girls would be spending Sunday night with us. Poor Ginger had to get out of her comfy bed.

Trying to solve the age old question; How many licks does it take to get to the center? (And we all know we can’t trust that owl!)

The girls didn’t come over until Saturday this week, so Ginger got to “sleep in”. But she had a special surprise for them when they did make it.

We don’t have a snow globe, so Ginger turned herself into one for us.

We were a bit busy Saturday, so Ginger only had time for one of her riddles.

Where do elves go dancing?

Sunday morning found her trying to be being crafty.

Guess this is better than candy jewelry?

Then it was back to riddles…

Why did the elves as the turkey to join the band?
Santa rides in a sleigh. What do elves ride in?

The girls won’t be back until next Saturday, they have a sleepover on Friday evening. I guess Ginger will have another long sleep until then! And remember, riddles only answered here on the blog!

Peace,
B

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So, This Is Christmas?

Faithful readers (I do have a couple of faithful readers, right? RIGHT??), will remember that I do not start the “Christmas Season” until two things happen. First, I have to hear John Lennon’s, Happy XMas (War Is Over) and we’ve seen National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.

We can control when we watch the movie, but hearing the song has a more strict requirement. I have to hear it while out of the house, and it can’t be played at my request. It just has to be on a random playlist, usually while shopping. But this year, I’ve only been to the mall once, and even then I never left the little pub. I still can’t walk long distances, so I sat and had a few beers while Wifey and son-the-younger did the shopping.

As usual, I do most of my shopping, holiday or not, on-line. Since Amazon doesn’t have background music like the mall stores do, the chance of hearing Happy X-Mas is slim to none. And Slim just walked out the door.

We did go to Wifey’s office Christmas party last night and they had Christmas music playing in the background. The song may have played, but luckily they had the volume low enough that I could only catch brief bits of the music hear and there. So I don’t know if it played or not. They didn’t have the old standards playing so it may have, but I didn’t hear it.

If you haven’t caught on by now, I really, really, really don’t like the usual Christmas music. Granddaughter-the-elder had her class Christmas program earlier this week. It was quite enjoyable. Other than the hand bell part, which was the old standards, the rest of the program was new music. They even did We Will Jingle, set to the tune of Queen’s We Will Rock You complete with foot stomps and hand claps. That was cool. And even better my wee bonnie lass had a small speaking part and she nailed it!

I’m thinking we will probably watch the movie this weekend. I’m sure it’s available on one of the streaming services I pay for. If not, Pay For View is always an option. As long as I can find it without commercial interruption. I absolutely despise commercials.

Today is also the Army Navy football game. This is probably the only football game I care about. And even then, not that much. I won’t watch the game since son-the-elder is currently overseas with his Army unit. But as an Army retiree, I have to say #GoArmyBeatNavy.

What are your holiday requirements and/or traditions? Get the conversation started by leaving a comment!

Peace,
B

P.S. Wifey has the old The Monkee’s TV show playing while I’m writing this, so here’s a totally unrelated video…

My favorite Michael Nesmith song!

P.P.S. The Monkees have ended and the old Partridge Family show has come on. Wifey said she didn’t remember how ugly the clothes were back then!

P.P.P.S. This is, what day 14 of the “official” Christmas season and not a single bit of the craptastic music has been played. ‘Nuff said.

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Ginger Returns – 2019

As I mentioned in my What A Week post just last week. Our mischievous little Elf, Ginger has returned. Since this is her third Christmas with us, and the girls are only here on weekends, Santa has said she can rest up during the week. Of course, that allows her to have a bit more fun in the days the girls are here.

To recap, Ginger arrived last Sunday, the 1st of December.

Ginger came fully loaded this year with a set of elf jokes. Think of these as similar to dad jokes, only worse. I’m guessing that since she isn’t zooming back and forth between here and the North Pole every night, she feels the need to move around the house during the day to keep an eye on the girls. So we have found her in several places last weekend, each time with one of those joke cards.

If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get?
What kind of music do elves like best?
What kind of bread to elves make sandwiches with?

When the girls arrived after school this Friday, they found Ginger in her igloo. Seems she found a little snowman that they were making but didn’t finish. So she finished it for them, and of course made a big mess.

There’s supposed to be a snowman here somewhere. Promise!

Saturday morning found her making some kind of snowflakes from toilet paper.

Almost as bad as a kitten.

We found her in several spots all over the house the rest of the day.

What’s the first thing elves learn in school?
What kind of photographs do elves like taking?
Why does Santa owe everything to the elves?

I guess she felt like she needed some exercise on Saturday. This is how we found her Sunday Morning.

Elf bowling!
Ginger the #elf hanging out in her igloo watching our version of Food Network Live #Christmas #Cookie Edition!

When the ladies took a break from making cookies, she got a little pushy!

At least she said “please”.

Then she was back with the bad elf jokes.

What’s Santa’s tax status?
What kind of cars do elves drive?

So that was Ginger’s weekend. The girls have returned to their other home, and Ginger is napping until their return.

Note: If you want the answers to her riddles, you will have to ask here on the blog. I’m not going to answer any questions on other social media. I realize that you have to have an email address and register to post comments. This is to stop the spam comments that I had to deal with when I started this blog. Your email is not stored or used in any way.

Peace,
B

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Just leaving this here.. because.

WTF???