humor

Gym Observations

(Warning: This may be considered as sexist by some folks.  Too bad.)

In an effort to get a bit healthier, Wifey® and I have joined a gym. Well actually Planet Fitness (some do not consider this a real gym).  But it works for us, and there are many well-defined men and women that use this facility.  Some of these gentlemen are rather large and appear to have been working out for quite some time. They lift enormous amounts of weights (at least compared to me).  Some are quite “cut” as if they are preparing for a body building competition, other are just massive.

The other night there were of two of these “massive” gentlemen standing in the middle of the gym, blocking access to several machines talking about their tattoos.  But were heavily inked. But the funny thing about it was they were pointing to specific tats and saying how much this one hurt more than this other one. It was like they were trying to one up each other; “my tat hurt worse than your tat”.  This went on for a good twenty minutes. With people trying to move around them to use the equipment the whole time.

Then there are the ladies. They are several young ladies that are quite fit. I know they can out lift me, out sit-up me, basically just out do me. Period. I am amazed. And a bit humiliated.

But that’s not what I want to talk about.  It’s the old men, and by that I mean older than me (and I’m damn near 60).  These guys, which I’m sure are there “on advice of their doctors”, do nothing more than stand around and stare at these ladies. I don’t entirely blame them, some of these ladies (all young enough to be my daughters, so maybe these old farts grand daughters) are quite attractive. Any one of them could be a model in any fashion magazine. But to just stare and gawk is not helpful in any way.

I’m sure these ladies don’t mind nearly as much the attention of the younger, more “buff” men in the gym, but the unwarranted voyeurism of these men is downright disrespectful.  Now I’m not saying I don’t look at them either, I am a human male after all (even if I do have “low T”). But I try to give them the respect I would expect if I wasn’t a fat old man (with nice hair). Even Wifey® admits she “checks out” the young studs and “wonders how old that one is” (again, young enough to be your son dear).

Of course there are various reason folks go to the gym. Some its health reasons (doctors do quite frequently advise patients to get more exercise), some to lose weight, others to improve their body image (body physically and mentally).  But if the main reason you’re paying your monthly membership is to ogle the women, go to a strip club. You have more to see and the drinks are better.

Peace,
B

News You Can Use… No Not Really

Found this interesting headline yesterday; ‘Truck With 20 Tons Of Nutella And Chocolate Vanishes; Police Hunt For Semi’s Sweets”.  I thought it very clever, so I had to read the article. This link is from NPR, I also saw that AP picked it up, but I’ve misplaced that link. My favorite quote from the article;

“Anyone offered large quantities [of chocolate] via unconventional channels should report it to the police immediately.”

I can imagine some shady character standing on a dimly lit street corner saying to passerby’s; “Psst.. Buddy wanna buy a kilo or two of Nutella? It’s fresh, never been stepped on. You know you do.  Come on give it a try, the first one’s free!”

But then maybe growing up in Miami in the 60’s and 70’s has warped my perceptions a bit.


I’ve been looking for some more light-hearted news, but with all that’s been going on as of late, they’re hard to come by.  So I’ll leave you with this video, hopefully it will bring a smile to your face.

Peace,
B

It’s Been One Week (Since I Had A Beer)

(With apologies to The Barenaked Ladies)

Well, I’ve made it one whole week.  And what a week it was.  As I’ve posted before, the job is causing lots of stress right now.  To quote one of my favorite movies;

drinking

Last night we took the girls for Mexican food. Somehow I had the will power to just have a glass of water and not a Negro Modelo as I usually have with Mexican. It didn’t help the heartburn any though. Today’s grocery shopping will be even more difficult when walking down the beer aisle.

Which leads to this.  Lots of folks have told me when you quit drinking lots of “good” things happen.

  • You’ll sleep better.  Bullshit. I have had more weird dreams in the last week than the rest of my life combined.  It used to be if I dreamed, I didn’t remember them when I awoke. Now, the weirdness just keeps following me all day long. Most of the dreams seem to put me back in the military, but I don’t recognize the locations.  One dream was supposed to have the whole family back in Fort Greely. It was very lush, with palm trees and other tropical like vegetation.  Problem is, Ft. Greely is in Alaska.  Damn near the middle of Alaska.  It’s rather remote (89 miles to the closest McDonalds when we were there). It did reach 95F one summer, for about 15 minutes.  But it was usually about -50F. Needless to say there is no lush tropical vegation. In fact all there is are gnarled pine trees.  And not much snow as it was to cold to snow. Yes that’s a real thing. Too damn cold to snow.
  • Your digestion will be better.  Again, not true.  I have had the worst heartburn for the last week. Now this may have a different cause. My insurance will no long send me Nexium for the usual $9 co-pay, it went up to $40. But, I can get a generic brand for free. So I gave my doctor the list of alternative choices and she picked one. I started that one about two weeks ago, so it may not be working as well, or it’s taking my body some time to adjust. So the jury is still out on this count.
  • Your mind will be clearer.  Clearer than what?  I still sit and stare at my computer at work trying to remember my password. It’s not all that difficult of a password, and I have to use it at least 50 times a day, but still, I sit and ask myself “What’s the password again?”. Not to mention I mistype it constantly. But I never did take typing lessons, so that part is understandable.
  • You’ll have more energy.  Maybe this goes along with the dreams and not sleeping well, but I am dead tired by 2PM every day. That makes going to gym in the evenings just about impossible.
  • Your mood will be better. Seriously? The frustration level is through the roof. (See this post).  Wifey is constantly reminding me to mellow out.  And I need it. It seems the granddaughters and the stupid end-users at work get the brunt of my frustration. Sorry folks.

So having said all that, I still plan on going 30 days or so without beer to see if things clear up (7 days isn’t a long enough time for a valid test). I have dropped two pounds during this week, so maybe it will facilitate some weight/fat loss.  And I’m sure some of this is age. I am getting to that special age where you go to bed just fine and wake up in stage 4 of something or other. As my brother says, “We ain’t spring chickens any more.” (Were we ever?)

I’ve posted the video that I stole the title for this post from below.  I like this song a lot for several reasons.  I really dig the cars; the General Lee from “Dukes of Hazard” and the Grand Torino from “Starskey and Hutch” (complete with requisite hood slide).

I also like the line;

“I wear my mind on my sleeve, I have a history of taking off my shirt.”

I really do feel like I’m losing my mind some (most) of the time.

And what about the line;

“I’m the kinda guy who laughs at a funeral”.

 

At my grandmother’s “viewing” (what a stupid concept – have a wake instead. Get drunk and tell stories. Not just walk up to the casket and say “He/She looks so natural”.  They’re dead. (“He’s dead Jim!” ~ Bones McCoy) Say good-bye and go get a drink, and pour one into the coffin for the dearly departed as well. Can’t hurt.).  Sorry, where was I? Oh yes, my grandmother’s viewing, we were in a small room in the funeral home off to one side. Apparently there was a rather large funeral going on in the main chapel. Even without the booze, a staff member had to come in several times to ask us to keep the laughing down.  We were disturbing the funeral guests.  We were just sitting around telling stories of Nanny, as we called her. Easily the best viewing of all time, hands down, if we had some booze we would probably been asked to leave.  Hell, I’ve been thrown out of better establishments. I can’t wait for someone to say “He looks so natural” when I’m dead. I plan on being cremated, so if an urn of ashes looks “natural”, then I’m worse off than I thought.

So I present to you The Barenaked Ladies and “One Week”, enjoy! (And I can’t understand half the words either…)

I think somebody should have made me sign a waiver or something before I started this.

Peace,
B

 

Elon Musk Are You Listening?

(Note: I have been sitting at the house this morning waiting on a repair man to fix my (former) beer fridge. So basically I’m now 4 hours late for work)

Daytona Beach and the surrounding environs aren’t all the big. The U.S. Census estimates the entire county population at 529,364. That’s the entire county, we’re only a small slice on the eastern edge.  So why is traffic so damn bad?

It’s takes me 25 – 30 minutes to travel the short 12 miles to and from home to office. Now some it is to blame on the traffic lights.  I swear there is a section of about 3 miles with a light every quarter-mile. And I seriously doubt they’re timed for anything other than a NASCAR driver (the Daytona International Speedway is just down the street). I very seldom get my truck out of 3rd gear in this area. I like to call this the “red light district”.

But that’s not what pisses me off the most.  Here’s my drive in today. Granted it was about 12:30PM so traffic would be naturally heavier than my usual 7:20AM drive time. But it’s not the volume of traffic, it’s the idiots.

First – Sitting at a red light (still in the residential area – nowhere near the “red light district”), I’m second in a line of three cars.  A fire truck is coming at us, but still a good mile away. What does the first car do? Why just sit there and wait for the firetruck to pass of course. They could have very easily pulled up far enough to allow all three of us to get through the intersection and pull off to the right, with plenty of time and space to spare. But instead, they sit there. And after the fire truck goes by, the idiot goes through the intersection, running a red light I might add, and almost causing an accident.

Second – Same street, different driver, another red light (still not at the “red light district”).  Apparently this one has no clue what “right on red” means. Sits through an entire red light, with no one coming waiting on the green. It’s only legal in ALL 50 STATES to turn right on red. Where did they buy their license? K-Mart?

Third – Approaching the “district”.  Guy in left lane doing 30MPH in a 45MPH. Oblivious to his surroundings. Guy in the right lane, with right turn signal on (bonus for using a turn signal) is apparently lost as he is slowing at every possible right turn to see if that’s where he needs to go.  Me? I’m stuck behind them both.

Here’s a video that sums it up, there will be more below, so you can continue reading while listening if you wish:

If you think I’m only stressing because I gave up beer five days ago, you’d be wrong. Even though I am questioning that decision, that fact remains that I have been screaming at other drivers for years.  Now I not one to lay on the horn and flip the bird. I yell and scream in the comfort of my personal sanctuary, the truck. And I do my best not to “act out” when the little ones are with me. Well, I do try, doesn’t always work.

So I wonder how people who live in big cities can drive at all. My brother lives in a suburb (or “bedroom community” if you prefer) of Atlanta. No way in hell I’d live there with all that traffic. One thing I will say for the Army is that they tend to make their facilities in smaller towns. Of course there are some that are located next to bigger cities, but not that many. And of course, once the Army (or any military branch for that matter) moves in, the community will grow. Not always a good or bad thing.

Now I have the 5PM “rush 15 minutes” to look forward to on the way home. I wonder what kind of idiots I’ll see on this trip. Probably the usual, no turn signals, 10MPH under the limit in the left lane, slowing down for green lights “in case it changes” (my mom was famous for that one), coming to a complete stop before turning right and so many others.

So what does this have to do with Elon Musk? This; Sir, you have made the Telsa automobile a success. You have made the Space X project an even bigger success. I mean, landing a rocker booster on a platform floating in the ocean? How could you top that?  Easy – Star Trek transporter. If anyone can do it, it’s you.

Just think, when you’re ready to go somewhere, program in a set of coordinates and push a button and like magic you’re there. Forget something, just go back the way you came and get it, then back to where ever you were going to begin with. Quick and easy.  No idiots getting in the way.

So please Elon, I begging here. Otherwise I’ll have to arm my truck with photon torpedoes to clear the road, and no good can come of that.

Think about it? Please?

Peace,
B