#mental health

Transitory Ju – Ju

That’s my new term for things that one, can’t be explained and two, come and go. Ju – Ju was how my late friend Mr. Jim would explain things that happened on his computer that he wasn’t sure why. Mr. Jim was no slouch when it came to computers either. He wasn’t trained or schooled in the IT way, but he had a better than basic understanding. But when things just didn’t seem to be “normal”, as in when he couldn’t get his printer to print then it suddenly spit out half a ream of the same print job he sent 100 times, it was Ju – Ju.

I wholly understand the Ju – Ju involved in PC work. I’ve been doing it for almost 30 years, 25 of them professionally. Take the one I have before me now. Micro$oft Windows (the biggest virus of them all), suddenly says this PC doesn’t have a sound card. The hardware is fine as I can test it by booting to a USB drive and I hear the appropriate sounds. It worked fine Friday, but nothing yesterday. It’s Ju – Ju. And bad Ju – Ju at that.

Personally, my Transitory Ju – Ju, is all auditory. I hear music damn near all the time. For new readers, I have a Bi-Polar type 2 diagnosis, and this is just one of the manifestations. I also have, to a lesser extent, visual issues. But this is why I almost always have music playing. At least then I know the source of the music. Last night while I was locking everything up I actually went to my computer desk to make sure the speakers were turned off. I had to pick the speakers up and hold them close to my ears because I was sure they were playing something. Now these speakers do have a bad habit of picking up an AM radio station when I plug them into my laptop. I basically live in the shadow of a set of radio towers, and it’s caused havoc with all kinds of radios over the years. But they were powered off (unplugged even now), and were quiet. So where does the music come from? I guess the tinnitus is getting better organized.

It’s like a song playing right in my ear
That I can’t sing
I can’t help listening

For A Dancer ~ Jackson Browne

Yes, I know I’ve used that quote before. But it’s fitting. What’s not fitting is this video. It has nothing to do with any Ju – Ju — good or bad. But I’m using for it’s title, plain and simple. Enjoy!

Enjoy the great guitars of Eric & Duane

Peace,
B

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What’s Stuck In My Head – 30 April

A.K.A. The Sleepless Night Edition

Short and quick today…

The ending of this song has been stuck for a while now;

There is no Eden or
Heavenly gates
That you’re gonna make it to one day
But all of the answers you seek
Can be found
In the dreams that you dream on the way

‘Nuff said.

Peace,
B

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100?!?!?!

In all the hubbub and craziness of this weekend, with it being St. Paddy’s day, the last weekend of Bike Week, and one of my former soldiers and his wife coming for a visit, I missed that I now have 100 followers on this little blog!

This just blows me away!! It may not be much, but it’s more than I ever thought would be hanging around. It has been a very emotional weekend, but this just is the icing on the cake.

Partying like it’s 1992 all over again!

For those that have been here since the beginning, a most loving “Thank You!!”, and for those new to this experience, a most hardy “Welcome!!”

And we’re under two months until we go to Scotland!!

Peace,
B

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Adult Supervision???

So today I was doing the vinegar and water treatment to our several years old Keurig coffee maker and saw this:

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And I think to myself, “Adult supervision”? Where in the hell am I going to find an adult to make us coffee every morning?? And coffee is just one rung below beer on the beverage scale to me. I am screwed!

The only reason I can even be considered an “adult” is the fact that I am older than dirt. I passed that magical age and entered into “adulthood” about two centuries ago. I really don’t care for any of those chain coffee shop “coffees”. Their coffee always tastes burned, and besides that, the average age of anybody working there has to be about the same as my granddaughters. They sure as hell ain’t even close to “adult” age. Although they are growing like weeds.

So what’s an old fart like me to do? Well, I will continue to grind my coffee about every two days and continue to make my coffee without any adult supervision. Because, dammit, I’m a rebel!! Ok, not really. But I need my coffee.

How do you like your coffee?? I take mine black. “Army” style!

Peace,
B

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My Attitude

So today, while at a doctor’s appointment (don’t worry everything is fine), I saw this note taped to the inside of the exam room door.

“Today was the absolute worst day ever
And don’t try to convince me that
there’s something good in every day
because, when you take a closer look,
This world is a pretty evil place.
Even if
Some goodness does shine through once in a while
Satisfaction and happiness don’t last
and it’s not true that
it’s all in the mind and heart
because
True happiness can be obtained
Only if one’s surroundings are good
it’s not true that good exists
I’m sure you can agree that
the reality
creates
my attitude
it’s all beyond my control
and you’ll never in a million years hear me say that
today was a good day

Now read from the bottom up”

The poem was not attributed to anyone, so I’ll give the credit to the worlds most renowned author ~ “Anonymous”.  I’m telling you, that guy (or girl) gets way too much credit.

So, I liked the poem, and I hope that you do too. Let me know what you think about it in a comment. (And for those that are reading this on FaceBook, please don’t leave a comment there – I won’t see it.)

Peace,
B

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How I Spent My Easter Weekend (A.K.A. Home Repair As Therapy Part 2)!

I’m sure you, my faithful readers (both you are), know that I am no longer a religious person. So, since Wifey® had Friday off for Good Friday I decided to take the day off as well. I didn’t list anything religious on my request for the day off, just put it down as home repair.  And that’s just what we did. (Previous post on home repair)

I spent almost all of Friday pulling up the carpets, the carpet tack and the quarter round molding in the girl’s rooms (we had already removed all the furniture from one room). The plan was to get at least one room cleaned up and the adhesive for the flooring (Smurf juice as we call it) painted. But Wifey® went above and beyond. While I was ripping all the stuff out of the first room she removed all the light stuff from the second room. So, when I finished the deconstruction in room one, we could move all the bigger stuff out of the second room too. This allowed me to rip the carpet and other stuff out of that room as well. We then “Smurfed” both rooms, with much help from son-the-younger as well. So we had both rooms fully prepped before dinner time. This put us about 6 hours ahead of schedule.

 

Room one
Room one
And room two
And room two

We settled in for the night. Which meant Netflix for Wifey® and a baseball game for me and son-the-older who came by, at our invitation after he finished work, for dinner. Son-the-younger just hung out in his room for the evening. He wasn’t feeling all that well.

Saturday morning meant laying the flooring. With both Wifey’s® and son-the-younger’s help, things went rather smoothly. We finished the first room just after lunch (taking alternate lunch breaks). I started with the more difficult cuts, but son-the-younger picked up the technique quickly and took over. Once the first row was laid, Wifey® took over with the placement of the full pieces of the flooring while son-the-younger and I took turns cutting pieces of the flooring for the ends and beginning of rows, to keep the staggered pattern going.

We took a break, going on a beer and dinner supply run. Then started in on room two.

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Wifey & son-the-younger workin’ it!

We could have finished before dinner time, but son-the-younger had to make a trip outside the home, so it was only me and Wifey®. We managed to finish all but the last strip in the main part of the room (a strip about 1 1/4 inch wide) and the closet. We were both too hungry, so we stopped until son-the younger could come back to help. Needless to say, by this time I had already cut myself once (not surprising) and my body needed a rest.

After a lovely grilled shrimp dinner (courtesy of yours truly), son-the-younger and I got back into it. He was working on the small strip while I would take on the closet. As luck would have it, I managed to cut myself yet again (again, not surprising). Since I do take an aspirin a day for a cardiac problem, Wifey® had to take over my work, while I tried to get the bleeding stopped.

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If you think it looks nasty now, you should have seen it last night.

We still managed to get both floors completed by 8:30 PM. Which put us a full 12 hours ahead of schedule! We expected to do the floor in the second room Sunday morning. But now we’ll just wait for the girls to come over to dye eggs with Daddy (son-the-younger) and let them decide if they wish to rearrange their rooms. We also plan on painting the entire house this summer and we’ll let the girls pick colors for their rooms.

Room two
Room two
And room one
And room one

So, as this project nears completion, we face the next project. Cleaning out our very cluttered garage. We have a contractor coming by Monday afternoon to do some work on water damaged walls and ceilings (you can see some of the damage in the corner in the left picture above). One of the main jobs is replacing the entire ceiling in the garage. But it’s not all work today. The little store we went to yesterday for our beer and dinner supplies, had 6-ounce filet mignons for $6 each, and 5-ounce lobster tails for $5 each. So guess what we’re having for dinner tonight? Oh, and Wifey® made some compound butters for the meal too.But, son-the-younger will need to do the grilling tonight, my body still hurts. And yes, we did invite son-the-elder to dinner.

And I can’t say thank you enough to Wifey® and son-the-younger. Without their awesome help, we would still be doing room one today (Sunday) and I would probably have to go to an “Urgent Care” for sutures (probably more than once). My family ROCKS!

So, what did YOU do this weekend?

Peace,
B

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Maybe A Repeat

Pretty sure I’ve posted this video before, but I’m not looking through old posts to see. But this one of my favorite songs of all times. Up there with Van Morrison’s “Into The Mystic”.

I think anyone with a “mental illness” ( I am bipolar type II), can relate to. As the song says;

“No matter how fast I run I can never seem to get away from myself. No matter where I am I can’t help thinking I’m just a day away from where I need to be.”

We can never match what we expect. Some of us are fucked up, and will never be whole, no matter what your belief system is. We will not be raised in “new incorruptible” bodies, nor will we be reincarnated into a new body to try again. All that happens, is we get dispersed into the cosmos and maybe, MAYBE, parts of us come back co-mingled with parts of others… “We came from stardust, and to stardust, we return”.

Peace,
B

Not That I’m Counting Or Anything

But on 25 May 2021, I will turn the magic age of 62 1/2 years old. Provided ol’ 45 doesn’t change the retirement age, on Friday 28 May 2021 I am retiring (told the boss I’d finish out the week just to be nice). I’ve already done my 20 years in the Army, and quite frankly, I’m done. Stick a fork in me.

The current countdown (give or take a few seconds since I took the snip)..

time

But like I said, I’m not counting down or anything.

Peace,
B

P.S. Yes I know it’s a long way off, but these “Stupid End Users” I deal with day in and day out required me to put the countdown on my PC so I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

P.P.S. I’m always worried when I click the spell check button on the WP editor and it says “No writing errors found”. I think it’s just fucking with my mind…

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The Year Was 1977

Yes, that was a lifetime ago. I’ll bet some of you reading this were not alive. There may even a possibility that your parents weren’t around then.

My best friend from my junior year of high school, even until now, is Maurice (I’ll leave the last names out to protect the guilty). Maurice and I, or Mo as he goes by now (which is funny since I have a niece named Melissa that also goes by Mo – guess it’s a unisex thing), used to sit and dream big dreams. And we were very seldom under the influence of anything other than, to quote Zonker Harris of “Doonesbury”, “Just getting high on life and America”.  Oh, you probably don’t know anything of “Doonesbury”, here’s a quick tutorial.

One of our dreams was to open a gym in Austin Texas. Mo was very much into bodybuilding, me not so much. When I left for basic training, October of 1976, I stood 5′ 10″ tall and weighed 119 lbs provided I had eaten a large meal beforehand. Mo, on the other hand, stood about 6′ 2″, and had to weigh about 225, maybe 250. And it was all solid muscle. My niece’s little girlfriends (we’re talking 8th graders here, and we are both around 20), loved it when Mo came to the house to visit. Much fawning and adoration went his way.

But to get back to the story. We made up a corporation “The Body Shop” that would be the parent company of all our other businesses. He would have his gym, and I would have my music recording studio and publishing company. Of course, none of this ever happened, nor did we really expect it too. It was just a way to waste time during the day before going out to drink.

Our only other pastime was “The Great Search For The Blue Nehi”. But that’ll be another post. (And Frodo has nothing on our search).

This weekend, instead of going to the St. Augustine Celtic Music Festival like we had planned, instead Wifey® and I cleaned out the closet of what used to my home office. It’s now the bedroom our granddaughter-the-younger. She is 6 years old, so I guess it’s about time we cleaned it out so she has a place to hang her dresses. Of course, my Awia quadrophonic reel-to-reel tape deck, my dual cassette dubbing deck, my turntable and my 4 channel mixing board are still in the closet, simply because I have no other place to put them. I still need to find a place for all my old music books.

I’m sure you’re asking “just where is this story going”? Well, this something I found while cleaning out the closest, buried in the middle of my music books as well.

S&H

I know this very hard to read.. transcription to follow

Some notes: Mo has always liked to try out different names. In this note, he uses “Hezikiah”. He once tried to set up a “New Persona” using the name Merlyn Cully Cross, which he found in a book and was rather taken with. I think he only managed to get a library card with that name. I have had the nickname “Skeeter” for as long as I can remember. Also, there should be a “G Clef” (for you music people between the “Skeet” and “Music”, but apparently this WordPress editor doesn’t have that).

The transcription;

Recorded by “The Foolish Brothers Band” on the “Would You Believe This?” album: “Late For My Own Funeral”.

(c) 1977 SkeetMusic, rights for the world administered by S&H Music, Austin, Tx.

(P) 1977 S&H Music, a division of The Body Shop, Inc., Austin, Tx.

Note: Although this has been copyrighted in July of 1977 and recorded in August of 1977, as of August of 1979 it has not been released due to the fact that “The Foolish Brothers Band” cannot get a major recording company to finance their “Would You Believe This?” label.

The Foolish Brothers Band is (are);

Skeeter: Lead Vocals; Lead & Rhythm Electric Guitars; Acoustic 6 & 12 string guitars; Acoustic guitar body; Various & sundry things lying around the room that make noise; foul words.

Hezikiah: Background Vocals; Lead & Rhythm electic guitars; Acoustic 6 & 2 string guitars; Acoustic guitar body; Anything else lying about the room that makes noises; Dirty language

R.M; D.M; P.B; M.W; K.W; T.W; A.S; L.S; (“The Get Outtahere Choir”); funny little noises in the background

So there you have. A little piece of nostalgia from my misspent youth.  Hope you enjoyed this. I know finding this little scrap of paper gave me great joy, and hopefully, you got a kick out of it too.

And Mo, we definitely need to get together again real soon. Love ya man!

Peace,
B

Main Street

Thursday night I didn’t feel like reading, I watch very little TV, and my favorite show, The X-Files Wifey® will not watch. But that’s okay, as I don’t like most of the shows she watches. So on nights like this, I usually put in my ear buds and blast my 60’s or 70’s music one level below “make your ears bleed”.  After years of playing bands, being a DJ, and all the Army days with lots of explosions and such, my ears are pretty much goners.

music

I know I’ve used this meme before, but I love it!

I was also very fond of the old JBL poster, “Blown Away”.

 

blown_away

They made a second version of this where the gentleman catches the martini before it blows away. Great marketing.

 

But, I digress as usual. I was deep into about my 5th beer that night when one of my favorite songs of Bob Seger came on. Main Street. It reminded me of days long past when I used to frequent a little strip club. My best friend and I would go, have some beer, and watch the girls. I was so jealous that he could start up a conversation with any of the dancers, while I just drank my beer and said next to nothing. There really wasn’t any one girl in particular that caught my eye. I found them all very attractive, or maybe seductive would be a better word. We rarely stayed until closing time, so there was no standing and watching them leave like the song says. But the feeling is very close. And there was no way I could have asked any of the ladies “out on a date”, hell I could barely look them in the eye when they came around the table.Well, that’s my story.

Don’t know why I’m putting this out there, other than to play the video for the song again.  So here it is.

Peace,
B