humor

I'm A Hallmark Movie Widower

In all honesty, I’m not just a Hallmark Movie widower, I’m a TV widower. I just do not care for much TV. Sure, I watch some cooking shows (food is very important in this house), and the occasional NCIS episode. I also enjoy a few shows on Discovery, Animal Planet, and the National Geographic channels. Even the new HBO show Avenue 5 has my interest. For two main reasons, Hugh Laurie, and it’s only 30 minutes per episode. The Army taught me you can put up with damn near anything for 30 minutes. Case in point I had an Army dentist try to do a root canal on a long dead tooth. I was in the chair for over 4 hours while she drilled and poked and tugged to no avail. And quite a bit of that time the novocaine was not exactly effective. So, it can be done.

But as far as your usual sitcoms and other reality shows (thinking Below Deck here), I just cannot tolerate them. So I either have to go to another room, or put in earplugs. I have issues reading with the TV going. Music doesn’t bother me, but the spoken dialog interrupts whatever I’m reading.

As Jackson Browne sings;

“It’s like a song playing right in my ear
I can’t sing
But I can’t help listening”

For A Dancer © Swallow Turn Music, Wb Music Corp

The fact that Wifey likes these shows doesn’t bother me. She can watch whatever pleases her. She doesn’t watch when I have one of my few sports on. She’ll read or play a game on her tablet. Besides, I usually fall asleep within 30 – 45 minutes anyway. TV basically bores me.

But these Hallmark movies are so very strange. They’re pretty much the same story just with different actors. Lately it’s been the Hallmark Mystery Movies that have taken over the TV. At least they don’t all have Candance Cameron Burke staring like the majority of their Christmas movies seem to. Some people are just too damn cheery.

And what’s up with Christmas movies on in July?? Talk about your holiday creep! I rant and rave about anything Christmas that comes out before Halloween as it is. But July?? Give me a break.

So, what do you watch, or avoid? Oh – Wifey is in the living room watching some cop show while I’m typing this. I would be in our bedroom relaxing, but the granddaughters are currently in our bed playing a game on Wifey’s laptop.

Here’s today’s vaguely related video. It talks about a TV show, and besides it’s my favorite Dire Straits song. Now excuse me, I need another beer.

Peace,
B

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Ginger Finishes – 2019

It’s the last week for our mischievous little elf, Ginger.

Sunday evening found her opening the little gift the girls had for her.

How many other elves get gifts?

She didn’t waste anytime getting things going for her last couple of days. Since the girls stayed with us Sunday night, she was ready for them on Monday Morning.

And since the girls are on their winter break from school, they’ll be staying with us a bit longer. And rumor has it that Ginger will be able to stay until Christmas morning this year! Seems she has some special gifts to pass out!

YES!!! Ginger was here bright and early Christmas morning. It seems that Santa brought granddaughter-the-younger a Malibu Barbie Dreamhouse! I think Wifey is a bit jealous. She didn’t get a Barbie Dreamhouse when she was a kid! Ginger had to build it for the girls after Santa just left it in the box.

Ginger also set out all the family stockings for us.

Then Ginger suddenly reappeared with two more gifts for the girls. Where does she get her money???

And then, just like magic, she was gone. No note, no goodbye, she just magicked herself back to the north pole.

I wonder what tricks she has planned for us next year. We heard some rumors that she’s been accepted into the trainer program at the North Pole. We’ll have to see.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this years adventures with Ginger.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, whatever you celebrate from the Campbell family to you and yours.

Peace,
B

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Ginger Week Three – 2019

It’s close to Ginger leaving us for the year, but she still has a trick or two up her sleeve.

The girls had a sleep-over on Friday night, so Ginger had another lazy day. But come Saturday, she was waiting for the girls.

She knows we’re going to the mountains right after Christmas. So she showing the proper form for a downhill run on a saucer sled.

Ugh… more terrible jokes.

Why do elves make good listeners?
What do you call an elf that sings?

On a rainy, dreary day Ginger got the munchies.

The gingerbread house seemed to be a bit stale.

And since the girls are on their winter break from school, they’ll be staying with us a bit longer. And rumor has it that Ginger will be able to stay until Christmas morning this year! Seems she has some special gifts to pass out! But that will be another post.

Peace,
B

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It Has Begun!

As I have mentioned several times (most recently here), the Christmas Season can’t begin until two things happen. I have to hear John Lennon’s Happy XMas (War Is Over) in some random way and I have to watch National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.

I am (somewhat) happy to report that both of those requirements have been met. The Official Christmas Season® may now begin. You’re welcome.

Yes, I’m a Grinch. Thank you for noticing…

And as dear old dad always said, “Merry bah humbug!”

Peace,
B

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Ginger Continues – 2019

Let’s start this week off with something different. No, not Santaur.. That was scary. Here is the gingerbread house the girls and their daddy built.

Right after Ginger went to take her nap, and I posted, we found out the girls would be spending Sunday night with us. Poor Ginger had to get out of her comfy bed.

Trying to solve the age old question; How many licks does it take to get to the center? (And we all know we can’t trust that owl!)

The girls didn’t come over until Saturday this week, so Ginger got to “sleep in”. But she had a special surprise for them when they did make it.

We don’t have a snow globe, so Ginger turned herself into one for us.

We were a bit busy Saturday, so Ginger only had time for one of her riddles.

Where do elves go dancing?

Sunday morning found her trying to be being crafty.

Guess this is better than candy jewelry?

Then it was back to riddles…

Why did the elves as the turkey to join the band?
Santa rides in a sleigh. What do elves ride in?

The girls won’t be back until next Saturday, they have a sleepover on Friday evening. I guess Ginger will have another long sleep until then! And remember, riddles only answered here on the blog!

Peace,
B

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So, This Is Christmas?

Faithful readers (I do have a couple of faithful readers, right? RIGHT??), will remember that I do not start the “Christmas Season” until two things happen. First, I have to hear John Lennon’s, Happy XMas (War Is Over) and we’ve seen National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.

We can control when we watch the movie, but hearing the song has a more strict requirement. I have to hear it while out of the house, and it can’t be played at my request. It just has to be on a random playlist, usually while shopping. But this year, I’ve only been to the mall once, and even then I never left the little pub. I still can’t walk long distances, so I sat and had a few beers while Wifey and son-the-younger did the shopping.

As usual, I do most of my shopping, holiday or not, on-line. Since Amazon doesn’t have background music like the mall stores do, the chance of hearing Happy X-Mas is slim to none. And Slim just walked out the door.

We did go to Wifey’s office Christmas party last night and they had Christmas music playing in the background. The song may have played, but luckily they had the volume low enough that I could only catch brief bits of the music hear and there. So I don’t know if it played or not. They didn’t have the old standards playing so it may have, but I didn’t hear it.

If you haven’t caught on by now, I really, really, really don’t like the usual Christmas music. Granddaughter-the-elder had her class Christmas program earlier this week. It was quite enjoyable. Other than the hand bell part, which was the old standards, the rest of the program was new music. They even did We Will Jingle, set to the tune of Queen’s We Will Rock You complete with foot stomps and hand claps. That was cool. And even better my wee bonnie lass had a small speaking part and she nailed it!

I’m thinking we will probably watch the movie this weekend. I’m sure it’s available on one of the streaming services I pay for. If not, Pay For View is always an option. As long as I can find it without commercial interruption. I absolutely despise commercials.

Today is also the Army Navy football game. This is probably the only football game I care about. And even then, not that much. I won’t watch the game since son-the-elder is currently overseas with his Army unit. But as an Army retiree, I have to say #GoArmyBeatNavy.

What are your holiday requirements and/or traditions? Get the conversation started by leaving a comment!

Peace,
B

P.S. Wifey has the old The Monkee’s TV show playing while I’m writing this, so here’s a totally unrelated video…

My favorite Michael Nesmith song!

P.P.S. The Monkees have ended and the old Partridge Family show has come on. Wifey said she didn’t remember how ugly the clothes were back then!

P.P.P.S. This is, what day 14 of the “official” Christmas season and not a single bit of the craptastic music has been played. ‘Nuff said.

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Ginger Returns – 2019

As I mentioned in my What A Week post just last week. Our mischievous little Elf, Ginger has returned. Since this is her third Christmas with us, and the girls are only here on weekends, Santa has said she can rest up during the week. Of course, that allows her to have a bit more fun in the days the girls are here.

To recap, Ginger arrived last Sunday, the 1st of December.

Ginger came fully loaded this year with a set of elf jokes. Think of these as similar to dad jokes, only worse. I’m guessing that since she isn’t zooming back and forth between here and the North Pole every night, she feels the need to move around the house during the day to keep an eye on the girls. So we have found her in several places last weekend, each time with one of those joke cards.

If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get?
What kind of music do elves like best?
What kind of bread to elves make sandwiches with?

When the girls arrived after school this Friday, they found Ginger in her igloo. Seems she found a little snowman that they were making but didn’t finish. So she finished it for them, and of course made a big mess.

There’s supposed to be a snowman here somewhere. Promise!

Saturday morning found her making some kind of snowflakes from toilet paper.

Almost as bad as a kitten.

We found her in several spots all over the house the rest of the day.

What’s the first thing elves learn in school?
What kind of photographs do elves like taking?
Why does Santa owe everything to the elves?

I guess she felt like she needed some exercise on Saturday. This is how we found her Sunday Morning.

Elf bowling!
Ginger the #elf hanging out in her igloo watching our version of Food Network Live #Christmas #Cookie Edition!

When the ladies took a break from making cookies, she got a little pushy!

At least she said “please”.

Then she was back with the bad elf jokes.

What’s Santa’s tax status?
What kind of cars do elves drive?

So that was Ginger’s weekend. The girls have returned to their other home, and Ginger is napping until their return.

Note: If you want the answers to her riddles, you will have to ask here on the blog. I’m not going to answer any questions on other social media. I realize that you have to have an email address and register to post comments. This is to stop the spam comments that I had to deal with when I started this blog. Your email is not stored or used in any way.

Peace,
B

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Just leaving this here.. because.

WTF???

Who Is This Girl?

No, this is not some true crime I’m trying to solve, this is a musical question.

Eric Clapton wants her lay down, just so he can talk to her..

Sammy Hagar says we need to let her ride..

Lou Reed says she can’t dance (but tells her to ride)…

Al Green says she need to ride as well…

All I know is she has a Mustang, and she needs to slow it down…

Where can I meet this Sally?

Peace,
B

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It’s A Dog’s Life

Here at Campbell Castle (West), we like our pets. So, let me introduce you to our “Big Guy”, my “grand-dog”, Baron. Baron has lots of titles; Baron Von CouchPotato, Baron Von LazyBones, and Baron Von ChowHound to name just a few.

Baron is a good dog, not the sharpest crayon in the box, but he doesn’t seem to care. He loves his girls, and is rather protective of them.

We rescued Baron just about a year ago. When we brought him to the first vet visit, he weighed about 75 pounds (32 Kg for you metric folk). Then just 7 months or so later he developed “Idiopathic Head Tremors”. This is a very scary looking event where the dog’s head and neck shakes like it’s having a seizure. It could be an epileptic seizure, but usually isn’t. I was lucky enough to catch one on video and we took him back to the vet.

He owns the couch.

In my opinion the vet tried to oversell us. She wanted to put Baron on several meds and send him for neurological exams. I didn’t agree with this plan at all. One thing we did find out was that Baron Von ChowHound seemed to be Baron’s usual mode. He was over 100 pounds! 101 to be a bit more precise. Needless to say, a new diet plan was instituted.

After a month of easing his portion size and slowly introducing a low calorie dog food, we had to switch the brand of food. The vet had suggested a prescription weight loss food. Baron didn’t like it much, and was eating way too little. And crying. The boy is very vocal. Not so much barking, but whines and cries like no other dog I have ever heard.

Dogs love trucks!

Yesterday we took him for his yearly exam and he has lost 11 pounds. This is only over a 3 month period too! He seems to be doing much better on this new food, but still is always begging for more. But once we get him back closer to the 75 – 80 pound range, then he should be able to get a slightly bigger portion of food.

We call this “monorail dog”.

Baron is a very good looking, though somewhat smaller version of Scooby Doo. He has a lot of personality, and is a big bully. His head is as big as a bowling ball, and he uses it to push his way into everything. We had to buy a garbage can with a locking lid to keep him out of the trash.

As I mentioned at the top, Baron is my “Grand-Dog”. Everything is registered under son-the-younger. He lives here with us and loves to dig up my yard!

Son-the-younger and Baron a day or two before he came home.

And since we have switched him from the Purina food we have not seen any more tremors. We even did the “Doggie DNA” test. We did this mainly since he was a rescue, we had no idea his mix of breeds, and we wanted to be prepared for any possible future medical issues we might encounter. Such as – Idiopathic Head Tremors are very common in bulldogs, and Baron has a high percentage of Bulldog DNA.

We have a fire station less than a mile from the house. Seems the sirens are.. well, you decide.

He is singing the song of his people!

Peace,
B

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We’ll Give $20 If You…

Background.. Just so you know.

The place would be Fayetteville, North Carolina.

The year, we’re not all that sure. It would have to be between 1990 – 1992. I remember that it was my second tour at Ft. Bragg, but that’s as close as any of us can remember.

The cast would be me, Wifey, and our friend Lloyd Brown, and an unknown guitar player. Let me give you some history on Lloyd.

I first met Lloyd around 1987. We were both stationed at Ft. Greely Alaska. Let me clarify that statement. Lloyd and I were both stationed at Ft. Greely, but not in the same unit. So, until that fateful day we met, we had never even seen each other. Why do I say that? Because we met when he was hugging Wifey!

We were coming out of the PX (for you non-military folks, a PX is the department store on the base. Much like a Wal-Mart now, but then much smaller), with my hands full and our very young son-the-younger in a back back when I notice that Wifey and son-the-elder are not with me. I turn around and there she is hugging the neck of some guy who I had no idea who he was! I was not happy at all.

But rest assured, it was not an issue. Turns out that Lloyd and Wifey grew up together. Lloyd was a good friend of one of Wifey’s brothers. The phrase “it’s a small world” really rings true in the military. I have been stationed with folks that went to the same high school I did (and Wifey too), or that grew up just blocks from either of us.

Now you have the backstory, lets get on with the “rest of the story” (RIP Paul Harvey).

Lloyd and I both enjoy Jimmy Buffett‘s music. We both play guitar and both sing. Over the years since our chance meeting Alaska, Lloyd has rented spare bedrooms in our house several times. We were caretakers of his dog and cat during deployments, and he helped with maintenance and such when I was deployed.

One evening we all went out to dinner together. At that time there weren’t too many places we enjoyed going to eat. Lloyd is, shall we say, a picky eater. Burgers with bacon and lettuce, and fries were his go to meal outside of the house. And a PB&J when home!

Sadly, we can’t remember the name of the restaurant in which this story takes place. I assure you there is story in here. Just keep reading. I recall it was Phat Daddy’s, which was up near the mall. Lloyd thinks we we’re down closer to Raeford Road, which is no where near the mall.

Well, wherever it was were were eating that night, there was a guy with a guitar playing and singing. I don’t remember much about this guy other than he sucked. Lloyd and I just sat back and laughed at the guy and talked about what mistakes he was making. Wrong lyrics, missed chord changes, you name it, this guy screwed it up.

We didn’t care too much, it was more fun laughing at him, until he (tried to) played “Margaritaville“. We all cringed when this happened, even wifey and son-the-elder. Luckily the “musician” went on and butchered some other songs. And we went back to drinking and laughing at him. But only for a short while, then he completely destroyed “A Pirate Looks At 40″. We couldn’t handle this. Something had to be done. Think of the children! So we came up with a plan.

Together Lloyd and I walked up to that stage and offer the guy $20.. to never play any Jimmy Buffett song again! The guys face took on a bit of a shocked look (understandably). “You guy must not like Buffett” he tells us. “No,” we reply, “we love Buffett, that’s why we don’t want you to play anymore of his songs”.

He didn’t play any more Buffett songs that night. But I guess he continued to ruin songs after that. Hopefully someone either gave him some good music lessons, or good advice – to not quit his day job!

Lloyd now runs the Wildlife Rescue of Dade County. They do amazing work helping injured wildlife get healthy and released back into the wild when they can. Check them out.

Here’s ” A Pirate Looks At 40″ from Jimmy’s live album “You Had To Be There“, and I was there. Part of the album was recorded at the Gusman Center, Miami, FL in August 1978, and I was there and Jimmy had his leg in a cast! Enjoy!

Peace,
B

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